I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
