Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
