put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
