Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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