I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
