You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
