Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
