I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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