I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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