nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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