I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Someone shattered a urinal.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
