how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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