We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
