Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize