playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
