11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize