"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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