Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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