Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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