Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
