Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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