after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
