i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
