You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
