Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
