On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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