i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
