Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
