two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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