You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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