DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
