my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
