I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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