I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
