You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Your cock deserves a montage
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
