you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize