I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
