I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
