Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
