this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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