My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
