he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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