I must be too annoying 4 u.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
