I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
