I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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