Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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