Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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