i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am full of burrito and curiosity
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
