I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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