sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
