eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
