Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
