my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The Olympian is in my bed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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