he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
