guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
