My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
