I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
