I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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