Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
