I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
