I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
