You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
