you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
