my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
