and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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